Coming out of the fog

When I became a mother, a fog descended over my life. I had been ripped from the world I had envisioned, the one where I began my journey towards a successful career and instead found myself unexpectedly plunged into a world of nappies, weaning, infant development and motherhood cliques. It felt like I was stumbling through a metaphorical fog, dropping parts of my identity and desperately scrambling to grab new parts of myself that were vital pieces to my new identity as a stay at home mother. Only, now my children are growing older the fog is lifting and I’ve found that the lost parts of myself have disappeared with it. Instead I’m now stood holding the part of ‘stay at home mother’, while the children – come September – are no longer home with me.

Coming out of the fog
Image Courtesy of Shutterstock/Conrado

 

I’ve spoken about feeling lost before, but this is less about losing an understanding of myself and is instead about losing an understanding of my place. I’ve had such a large amount of time to think about what it is that makes me… well me. I am incredibly thankful for the time I’ve had to really discover and understand what it is I stand for and what I’ve a genuine interest in. I’ve had the opportunity to really think about what path I want to carve for myself in this life and what it is I want to achieve. I’ve had the time to develop a sense of self and an ability to know it is perfectly alright to fail and to stand alone. I’ve been given the space to grow in confidence and have conviction in my beliefs, passions and aspirations. I feel incredibly honoured to have had the opportunity to grow and develop in such profound ways. Only now I’ve also found that the person I am and the aspirations I now have, are so different to when I entered the fog of new motherhood, that I’m now effectively starting over in lots of ways.

 

I’m no longer fresh faced, with an overly optimistic view of the world. I’m now 28 and beginning again. It is quite a daunting prospect if truth be told. While my peers are now half a decade into their careers, I’m taking a step back to the beginning and entering back into the education system. While my peers have now gained a wealth of experience, I’m starting over in a new field where I have none. While my peers have the security of their place in their chosen careers, I’m launching myself into a new one, where I may well spend the next few years struggling to secure my entry.

 

I guess what it all boils down to is that, while I know that it is perfectly alright to fail, I’m still scared by the idea that I might and now I no longer have the fog to fall back on, or to blame for that failure.

 

What are your thoughts on coming out of the fog? Let me know in the comments, on Twitter, Facebook of on Instagram. You can also follow me on Pinterest.

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9 thoughts on “Coming out of the fog

  1. I found becoming a stay at home Mum a huge adjustment, while I love being at home with my little man every day it was strange no longer being me and just being mummy. Now I’m going back to work next month after a year on maternity leave and am dreading the thought! All the best as you go back to education!

  2. I’m still very much in the fog. Only 6 months in its been such a huge life change and feeling I don’t know the answers to things I should as a mum. I miss aspects of my old life and adore my little girl. Sometimes I just feel like I need to stop the ride as I need to get off for a breather

  3. I love the honesty of this. Any big life changes can be terrifying but this may actually be a real positive! Many people go into careers fresh out of school or uni that they end up hating 5 or 10 years down the line as they went into it not knowing who they were or what they wanted to do. It’s never too late to start anything new, and the time might actually have done you a favour! Wishing you all the best for your exciting new chapter, good luck! X

  4. I remember feeling that way – feeling in an utter fog and now that I’m out of the fog I can safely say it’s the best thing ever – know that you are an incredible capable being and that’s all that matters!

  5. I think Motherhood is a HUGE shock to the system and it becomes very easy to lose yourself and your own hopes and dreams for the future. My youngest starts school in September and I am finally finding my feet.

  6. It can be a huge adjustment but the next stage is very exciting and you are going to do amazing! Yaaay for coming out of the fog and banishing it. Don’t be scared, embrace it.

  7. I felt very much this fog when I was on maternity leave and that is partly why I started my blog. To have something for me. Stupidly, I thought that being a stay at home mum was not enough! I missed those days as soon as I got back to work.
    You need a new project in September as you said. good luck with this new life

  8. I guess I am lucky in a way as although fog has descended its a different type of fog. I am 15 years into a career which is flexible enough to allow me to progress while having a family. It wasn’t the intended path but its one that has done me proud. Parenthood has brought me a sense of confidence in my abilities and an ‘actually I am pretty good at this’ attitude, because as a parent regardless of what you are juggling. You are juggling and succeeding and thats something to be proud of every single day. I am sure you will nail it x

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