Stop telling me to cherish every moment

‘Cherish every moment’ is something I’ve heard a lot since becoming a parent. I’m constantly told to take it all in, and not to blink or else I’ll miss it. The thing is, when my focus was on ‘cherishing every moment’, I began to focus too much on the things I would miss about previous stages and not take in the slight changes that actually are incredibly welcomed.

Cherish every moment.

 

I had a conversation with a women who has children in their teens and it completely changed my outlook on ‘cherishing every moment’. She told me about how she misses the baby stage, but she loves being able to sit down with a glass of wine and talk to her daughter. She told me misses the cuddles but loves going to her son’s swimming competitions and cheering him on in the sidelines. She told me that while she misses those first, early years, she really enjoys them being that little bit older.

 

Speaking to her made me realise that instead of feeing saddened by not having a baby in my arms, I should be relishing in everything that these new stages bring. I can now have actual conversations with my 3 year old and quite honestly I feel a lot less lonely day to day having another human in the house who can have a conversation. I can now leave the house with a small backpack, which means I can now climb the towers in the park with boys instead of herding them into the sandpit, so I can keep an eye on them, the pram and the mountain of stuff tucked away in the various pockets of the changing bag.

 

I can now race remote control cars around the downstairs of our house, which is a lot more fun that listening to the Toot Toot cars singing their incredibly annoying songs on repeat. I can now sit down and drink a cup of hot tea, while my children play together instead of playing referee because the little one broke apart the train track. We can all now sit as a family on movie night and watch an entire film together, without one of the boys getting bored and causing havoc. We all get a decent nights’ sleep now that 12am, 1am, 3am wake up calls are behind us.

Stop telling me to cherish every moment

 

When I block out the stream of unwanted comments and spend less time ‘cherishing every moment’, I get to actually be in the moment. I get to see that I have a a fiercely independent and headstrong toddler, who loves music. I get to see that I have an incredibly kind hearted, calm little boy who is a conservationist in the making. When I stop putting pressuring myself to ‘Cherish every moment’, I get to live in the moment and to be honest, I much prefer it that way. I don’t need people telling me to ‘cherish every moment’ when we are a young family, with so many adventures still ahead of us.

 

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Stop telling me to cherish every moment

 

What are your thoughts on the phrase ‘Cherish Every Moment’? Let me know in the comments, on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. You can also follow me on Pinterest.

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36 thoughts on “Stop telling me to cherish every moment

  1. It’s sometimes hard to appreciate and cherish every moment when you’re in the middle of it, maybe in hindsight it’s easier but then the moment is gone! I have 2 boys under 2 and although I love them so much, I look forward to them being a little bit bigger like your boys so we can have the chats!

  2. I completely agree with you hun. If you’re constantly trying to take in moments to “cherish” and always looking back, how can you truly enjoy the here and now with your children and look forward to the future. Although yes I miss the baby days and know I’ll never have them back, I’m looking forward to the future too, to doing things as a family we can’t do right now because our son is only 3. I’m looking forward to going places we wouldn’t dare due to his age, or going out more regularly for dinner later than we do now. I’m looking forward to Lego building days with him, rollercoaster rides with him, and older movies with him.

  3. Is not about cherishing every moment is about appreciating every stage, your children are growing to the amazing people they are meant to be. You should feel happy and proud that is what life is all about .

  4. Yes, I am not a big fan of the phrase “cherish every moment”. Like you say, I think it’s about putting yourself in every moment and enjoying. Not looking back but embracing the stage they are now at and looking forward to the future with them. I love that my two now play with each other nicely and that we can go out for a meal as a family and chat. All the things we couldn’t really do when they were babies. I’m really enjoying the moment!

  5. It’s one of those thoughtless things, often said by people who have no kids. My elder son suffered from colic when he was born, the first 3 or 4 months were an absolute nightmare. I certainly didn’t cherish or miss any of that. Having people tell me that, put even more pressure on an already stressful situation.

  6. It’s all about going with the flow really – yes they do grow up fast and it’s easy to miss the baby stage but you’re right there is more enjoyment to come as they get older. Su xx

  7. Ah now I have two takes on this. I hated being told to enjoy the baby stage while it lasted, but now I have teenagers, I realise quite how much pressure I put on myself (and my kids) to grow up so I could leave behind all the stressful stuff about having a baby. I do wish I’d just stopped and realised that nothing is forever, and been mindful of the lovely aspects of my children when they were tiny. That said, there’s so much of it I don’t miss, and it’s easy to have rose-tinted glasses with hindsight. It’s only now they’re older that I really can cherish the moment (even though that can be difficult even now, given everything they have on their plates!). It’s never easy parenting, is it!?

  8. Aw as a mum of teens I think I have been guilty of saying this but only because I know and become increasingly aware over the years how fleeting time is and how there is a huge shift in mother-child relationship as kids get older. I do understand your sentiment though! Great post x

  9. I love the sentiment of this and I totally agree with you. Sometimes though time feels like it’s going way too fast and I need it to slow down just that little bit x

  10. I think it’s nice to try to cherish your kids at every age. Not because things get worse but because each age brings its own gifts. I’m with you and enjoy being able to sit back and see my kids grow and play. There’s a sense of satisfaction and it’s easier to go places again 🙂

  11. I do sometimes miss the baby stage although am also pleased it’s passed as the children are so much fun now they are more interactive. I cherish the fact that they sleep for longer than I do though as with 3 it’s hard work.

  12. I fully understand – happiness is a spontaneous feeling. It’s not something you can force nor focus on… And well, as long as you love being with your children, well… you are already “cherishing” the moment as far as I am concerned.

  13. It’s silly to expect to cherish every moment, it simply doesn’t work. Of course it would be nice if it was always possible. I also was happy when my daughter finally went to sleep. I did not cherish every moment – because there were moments that were nerve wrecking. No that she left home I sometimes think back and regret not having cherished each and every moment. But that’s how the cookie crumbles. But today, when she comes to visit, I do cherish it – because it’s temporary and I know it; it’s like a vacation.

  14. I totally agree with this. It was that pressure to cherish every moment which contributed to my PND and ultimately to my feelings of failure. I think we need to be way more honest about the fact that motherhood isn’t wonderful every moment of every day!

  15. My kids are 24 and 22 now, and truly, outside of the teenage years, I’ve loved every last one. I missed playing Barbies with my daughter when she was little and loved going to her volleyball games. I missed making superhero capes for my son and loved hanging out with him and his friends over our backyard bonfires. Wanna know the best part of your kids getting older? When they have little ons of their own and call to tell you “Mom, I didn’t realize it then, but you did good” x

  16. As a parent of children now into their 20’s and tots, I can see both sides. I certainly make the most of those snuggles on the sofa, but also enjoy chats with the kids about what they got up to at school etc. I think it should be a happy balance of both

  17. I also understand both sides. I try to cherish every moment but I also very much look forward to every thing my son will do with his future.

  18. i suppose parenthood is a mixture of ordinary and routine moments that are all so unique at the same time; I think the woman you talked with could give you a good insight but I also believe all parents and families are different, all collections of experiences worth living in their uniqueness

  19. Wow, this was so eye opening. I have a 17 month old right now and I’ve been so focused on how she’s not a baby anymore and doesn’t want to snuggle instead of being happy with the new changes that are happening. Such a great read!!

  20. Every single day is a great day. I believe cherishing every moment is okay as long as you know what to expect in the future. Knowing that they will soon outgrow your laps is a milestone. Just learn to accept every changes in our kids life.

  21. I’m also in the phase when I start to enjoy that my son is “bigger” (19 months). He is more independent, and life is much easier than a year ago….For us the baby phase (no matter how magical it should be) was 6 months of full on stress and chaos, because my son had terrible colic, and he was not able to sleep if he wasn’t in our arms (constantly rockin’). So I’m good now 🙂 The funny part is, that the second one is on the way so soon I can experience the baby phase again – hopefully in a more calm and relaxed manner 🙂

  22. I completely understand the cherish the moments comments – I think every ages brings it’s special moments which again you should cherish. I cherish that my 7 year old enjoys reading a book to me as I know she wont always want to do this, I cherish that my 4 year old always wants to sit my knee. Mostly I cherish those 4am night feeds with my 10 month old, the ones that I used to dread with my older two – but now I know to cherish them as they don’t last forever.
    So when I say to other Mums with newborns – cherish the moment, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just mean life changes so fast so enjoy it all (even the nightfeeds!)

  23. I felt very sad when my first born started secondary school, however one day i just stopped and thought, No don’t be sad, you cannot change this and he will be growing up. Instead focus on the exciting times ahead. Watching him grow into the person he will be, the job he wants to do and the future he wants for himself.

  24. As a mum to a teen and two under fives I am sort of on the fence with this one. Yes, the teen years are good in some ways, but they are much more worrying and I miss my daughter being younger so much and I honestly do wish I had cherished it a bit more. With my younger two who were born just 14 months apart, I know how hard having young kids can be too. x

  25. Staying in the day and enjoying what you have in front of you is definitely important and I think a key to being a happy parent. I definitely enjoy my kids more now they are older but yes I look back very fondly on those baby days. Mich x

  26. I totally see what you are saying. I know with me, now that they are older, I wish I would have done things a little different to make more moments to cherish. That is me personally though.

  27. It’s all in the interpretation. I read it differently. Our children grow up and become adults; even parents too.
    Every moment we share with loved ones is special. We cherish them because they make us smile, ponder, and remember when.
    We spend a lifetime creating memories and time is ephemeral so to cherish them is not to discard the present but to become acutely aware of its value and blessings in our lives…. so, I do cherish every moment.

  28. Kipper is just coming to 18 months and its an age I really love. Instead of wishing it away I am making sure I live in the moment as we wont be having any more babies in the house. But then there is a lot to look forward to as well x

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