In these moments I hold you I think of all the stories we have yet to tell, the adventures we are yet to go on and the memories we will share.
When I think of how how story began, it always makes me smile. I had this little feeling that you were with me, but every pregnancy test came back negative and people kept telling me it was in my head, just me hoping. We had recently had a miscarriage and my heart felt broken, but I was so sure that I was pregnant again. I was so sure that you were with me, tucked away, with our story already rolling, waiting to be told. So I took the last test sat on the bathroom shelf. I was sat next to the bathtub looking down at the pregnancy test, waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to show, when two blue faded lines began to appear. I held onto my stomach praying you would stay with me, I knew my heart couldn’t take another baby taken from me too early. I wrapped my arms around you and told you to hold on, I told you how very loved you are and that we wanted you dearly, then with all my heart I just hoped that you could hear me.
The day you were placed into my arms, I never wanted to let you go. I held you close, watched you sleep and took in every eyelash. You wrapped your hand around my finger and I felt tears fall down my face. After so much heartache there you were so delicate and small, the missing piece of our puzzle, the piece that made us whole.
Now you walk and climb and tell me your own stories. How time goes by so quickly, when you want it to go slowly. Every day you are slightly bigger, with slightly bigger feet. But while time goes by so fast, I remember to cherish all our moments. The ones where you give me kisses and mispronounce your words. The ones where I count your toes and help you find your nose. The ones where we splash in the bath and look for creepy crawlies. The ones where we build train tracks, play peek – a – boo or snuggle down to stories. The moments that seem so ordinary, but tell our special story.
I would go on and tell you more, but now it’s time for bed. So I will scoop you up, hold you close and tell you that I will love you for now and for always. That even when you outgrow my arms, you will never outgrow my heart. In these moments I hold you, it is important for you to know, that you will forever be my baby, no matter how big you grow.
Love Mummy xx
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