I don’t think I realised just how much my life would change when I became a mother. Little things like sleeping past 5:30 am, being able to go to the toilet in peace or getting through the day without snot being wiped on my clothes are now a thing of the past. But what I was most unprepared for was just how much little people can impact on the way you see the world and the new understanding of unconditional love. So I put together a little list of 15 things that let you know you’re a parent to a small person.
1. Your alarm clock no longer has a snooze button, because your alarm clock is now your baby… 5:30 starts anyone?
2. By 10:15 you have snot, food, juice, milk or dribble (or if you are really unlucky all of the above) smeared on your clothes.
3. You now get a strong sense of achievement from managing to pick crusty bogies from your baby’s or toddler’s nose.
4. When you sneeze, a bit of wee comes out.
5. You then question why you didn’t do your pelvic floor exercises in pregnancy.
6. You spend most of the morning making a list of all the things you are going to do during your baby’s or toddler’s nap time. Only to then sit down with a cup of tea and check your social media through the entirety of nap time.
7. The laundry bin has turned into a bottomless pit.
8. Remote controls now go missing. This is generally because your child has hidden them behind the TV, under the sofa or in their toybox.
9. You smile at your baby – proofed kitchen, happy knowing little hands can’t get into the cupboards. Only to learn (much to your dismay) that you then struggle to open the latches too.
10. Your name has been changed without your consent to, ‘(insert child’s name) Mum’.
11. You comment on how much your friend’s babies and children have grown… EVERYTIME you see them.
12. Little handprints appear all over your house – normally in some gross, sticky substance that looks suspiciously like the chocolate you haven’t allowed your child to have.
13. If you are running late, you always blame your child. Damn that pretend exploding nappy.
14. You can’t remember the last time you went to the toilet… ALONE.
15. You now have a new understanding of true and unconditional love.